lobits

and it happens again

2009-09-06T14:25:00.003+08:00

Somehow I know that there is this great force out there that will force balance upon what's happening in your life.

Consider my previous post. And a few hours after I was feeling really down I was given a second chance. And I took it. Or at least I made the initiative to take it. News ain't out yet about the result but it's okay I guess. If I fail this time I won't be as sad, also :). Though it's a good thing if I get it ^^

These kind of turn-around events has happened to me almost everytime I had a heart-shattering experience -- not that I have many to recount though.

To do today: study finance, read MPW, and wash choir wrap.

...

2009-09-04T12:10:00.004+08:00

I'm such a pampered kid. And I noticed it today. Good thing that I finally notice that...

I do not face many failures in my 19 year old life. I usually get what I wanted. And I think I should be grateful that the force out there has given me a peg down on my ego.

Oh, I faced failure before, but only for things that I do not really want. You see, my last year in high school, I applied for the 3 local unis in Singapore. But out of the three I only want to go to one of them. And I got in, whilst I didn't get accepted to the 2 others that I didn't really want to go. So it's no big deal even though I'm aware of these failures, cause I don't really want it in the first place.

Other failures will be about grades. First term in uni as well as first term in high school, my grades were not as high as my expectation. But my expectations are beyond average so I still can compare with others.

Oh, and I failed on a test before. once. but with a perfectly logical reason that the failure is acceptable for me and that it actually brings more good as I get to attend the so called remedial class at school. Remedial class has been terrifyingly useful, more useful than if I studied the subject myself.

Sounds like a perfect life? Now that I'm here and I reflect on my life back, I think it's really uneventful. It sounded too good to be true. I don't think my life is perfect. I think I'm delusional, living in a life of lies trying to be content with myself.

Now though, as I signed up for what I really want, and I didn't get through, the failure hits really hard. And I don't know what I do wrong. And I want to know, but am afraid to ask.

Simply put, I don't deal with many failures in my life. And I'm dealing with one right now. And I'm clueless how I should face it...

This is one of my fears when I start to notice how competitive it is here. I know that at some point I'll have to fail. And I do fail. And I need to learn to get used to it and turn the disappointment to something more useful.

Share your experience, anyone?

So I get a picture how to overcome this.

First day of June

2009-06-01T15:11:00.002+08:00

It certainly doesn't feel like I haven't been updating the blog for two months. But in truth, yes it's been two months since I last wrote in this blog.

So what has been happening in these two months? Well firstly I have exams which fortunately I did quite well in. And after that is the results announcement. And I went back to Indonesia (twice -- the first one I went to Jakarta for weekend, went back to Singapore, and finally went back to Malang in the end of April.)

Stayed in Malang for around 10 days and went back to Singapore for choir practices. Other than that there isn't much thing happening nowadays.

Sometimes I blame myself for wasting such precious times. But still I can't get my lazy bum to bring me somewhere

I really have no idea what else to write for now. I'll probably write more later when I have an inspiration =)

Tipping Point

2009-03-29T02:27:00.004+08:00

I've been quite worn out these few weeks due to a lot of presentations and projects. But finally after this week I only have 1 presentation left =). But final exams are looming in 3 weeks. I'm going to psycho myself to work for it, =P. *go for finals!*

Anyway, last week I went to Borders with my parents then bought two books. One of the books are the one that I've been wanting to buy: Gray's Anatomy -- a medical book, but it's put on bargain so I got it at only around $19 which is totally worth it (according to me). I only glanced a bit of it but because there are a lot of medical terms I'm not reading it for the time being. Maybe next time when I feel like it haha.

However, the other book is a business book, listed in the top 10 list for business book. It's called Tipping Point. I havent finished reading it but so far I think it is really a good book. And anyway it's not only for business, I really can apply it in other aspects of life. Actually what motivated me to buy this book is because the day before I had a demoralizing consultation with my prof regarding my D+ paper. *LOL*

Here is the story: I showed Prof my assignment and he read through it. And actually what destroys the whole message credibility is only the first two paragraphs (or maybe to pinpoint it further, the second paragraph). Whereas, everything else (3rd & 4th paragraphs) are actually doing very well. He told me how those two horrifying opening paragraphs destroy the credibility of the message. He also told me how a bit difference in the words used in those paragraphs can make a huge difference. Maybe D+ to A+? hahah.. maybe not A+ but B+ :p

So in the end I can't change the grade. But I learned the hard way how something very minor such as the choice of words can destroy the whole thing. This is an exact example of the famous Indonesian proverbs: "Karena nila setitik rusak susu sebelanga". ~ A tint of red ink will destroy the whole container of milk (literal translation)

When I went to Borders last week, I was walking through the business section and saw an interesting cover with a slanted matchstick imprinted on it. And I read the summary. And I found out how it is actually what has been happening to me in my D+ grade. Without further ado (also considering that it's NYT #1 bestseller), I bought it.

So far it has been an enjoyable read and I highly recommend this book for everybody else =D

*** Notes: it's really a coincidence how I found that book only one day after I had my consultation. But anyways, this kind of things happen to my life a lot. After having a great experience (be it good or bad but still memorable in some ways), I will find other things which I can relate my previous experience to.

=]

2009-03-15T23:52:00.001+08:00

I'm very happy today :). Why? My parents came to visit ^^.
The bad thing is that I will be busy for the upcoming weeks =(, so I can't really keep them company most of the time...

Oh well, nothing much to say!

Writing: a result of practice

2009-03-12T02:08:00.002+08:00

Do you believe that practice makes perfect?

There is this one argument that I made when I was really really lazy during Pelatnas 1 TOKI regarding this statement.

Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect. So, why bother?

That was my thoughts back then.

Well, actually it still kind of makes sense now. What is wrong there is the statement 'practice makes perfect'. Instead of this, it should say something like 'practice makes you more proficient'. You can't be perfect, but you can be proficient.

This is what I truly feel about writing. And frankly speaking, I think posting blog entries helps. From my self assessment, I think I've become more proficient in writing structured message =). But yeah, still lagging behind in Management Communication (obviously, the D+ mark)

Well, I guess I have to keep the practice to achieve more proficiency =]

n.b. DO NOT SEEK FOR PERFECTION! If the statement that 'nobody is perfect' is true, then you really shouldn't seek perfection in your life. Why? You'll end up disappointed because you can never be perfect.

AS midterm

2009-03-11T03:07:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I took my AS midterm.
*pray to God that all will be well*

Sorry, no idea what else to post.

How come a lot of dailies posts lately?
Because there's not many interesting things that happened other than daily life (classes, projects, etc) - a sign that school is getting more hectic.

Oh, I miss the first half of the term.. It was still hectic, but not only for schoolwork. I managed to survived THREE productions (HONK!, Choir [twice], and GAYA). Sigh...

But I guess it's nice to be busy although it might be stressful sometimes. *can't imagine what I'm going to do when I'm not busy*

I have to start planning for my summer holiday. Do something useful.. Maybe, start up a small business? and treat it as another project =D. 8).

My Life is Extreme

2009-03-04T23:32:00.002+08:00

I just finished crying my ass off =(
Got my FIRST D+ today after getting my FIRST A+ on Monday

You've seen the extreme.

I'm so very pissed.

Out of the Comfort Zone

2009-03-04T01:18:00.002+08:00

I've been offered to be SL of altos.
Actually they've asked me like last week but I didn't feel the pressurre then
Today they told me that in front of most of the choir
And yes, I fell pressure

Am I ready for this?
Am I ready to take the responsibility?

It was very simple back then when I just come and sing
But if I were to be an SL, I can't just sing. I have to make sure that MY section sings well.
Am I ready for this responsibility?

I feel that this is still out of my comfort zone
But then, I'm bracing myself for this. For a step forward to improve myself.

Out of the comfort zone

Darwin vs God discussion

2009-02-27T02:31:00.004+08:00

A few days ago was Darwin's Day and in my highschool alumni forum, there is this discussion concerning Darwin Theory, whether it's real and credible or it's a fake fairytale.

I observed the arguments. Those who argued for the credibility of Darwin Theory provided links of videos and researches journals. On the contrary, the one who believes that Darwin Theory is a fake doesn't want to state his views before the other side can argue for Darwin Theory by themselves instead of relying on those urls.

The end? No conclusion. Both sides (especially the one who believes that it is fake) is really stubborn.

My view? I believe it is true

How? I don't care. I'm not a scientist, so it's not my duty to prove it.

Then why belief? I don't know. Just because I do. Just because it makes more sense to me

Then I don't mind being compared to apes? Nope, I don't mind. What if my ancestors are apes? The fact now is that I'm not and it's all that matters.

Aren't you insulting God by saying that? Err... I don't really care about God. He can deal with His problems, I'm sure. I have faith in Him. Not necessarily I'm insulting him by the fact that my ancestors are apes.

Facts: I'm not a Christian or anything but I believe that God exists. Just that I think humans shouldn't bother Him. He can take care of Himself. Don't you think so..?

Resolution progress

2009-02-26T00:23:00.003+08:00

I'm referring to my resolution for 2009 here.

I realized that... I might have improved in my writing skills, presentation skills and (probably) grades this term (my second resolution)

BUT, my first (which is to lose weight) and my third (not to be so emo and sensitive) are failing miserably =(

Oh well, at least now I know I have to work on it ^^

homesick

2009-02-26T00:17:00.001+08:00

I miss mum
I miss dad
I miss my brother & sister
..............
.........
.....

I miss home

is this my way?

2009-02-25T19:06:00.002+08:00

I've always liked taking personality test and I've been taking countless of them. There is this one application in Facebook called MyPersonality and I've taken the test a few months ago.

However, yesterday when I opened it again, I realized one new feature about the most suitable college major. My most suitable one (according to the test) is architecture, followed by anthropology and psychology. Meanwhile, right now I'm taking business.

Regarding those choices that the test has chosen for me:
1. Architecture - I wanted to be an architect once but that was like ages ago. Primary school, I think. And by that time, I didn't really understand what is architecture. Even now, I also didn't know what am I supposed to do in architecture. I like to observe buildings - yes - but I'm not into designing it. So.. this one is definitely not me

2. Anthropology - I also never studied this before as it is a subject for social stream in high school whilst I took science stream back then. I understand it is a study of human culture though -- something I'm immensely interested in. This term I have a course called Creative Thinking and during this course, I'm faced to various artworks etc. On my observation about these works, I always relate to culture and humanity (indication!!)
I wouldn't mind studying this =P

3. Psychology - This field of study is also something I have interest in, although not as much as in anthropology. I like taking personality quizzes, I like observing people and guess what's their true personality etc. But yet, I don't think I want to delve further in this subject.

And Business is not even recommended for me there. But anyway, even though I didn't make the right choice back then, I believe I can make it right for me. There's no way back and I have to keep looking forward.

NUS Choir Concert

2009-02-22T01:38:00.002+08:00

title: Varsity Voices

I watched NUS choir concert today.. With empty stomach... which sends signals to my head and making me having a headache.

Actually the concert is quite good (better than ours I think), but I could not really enjoy it. The sound and harmony is nice, the arrangement is quite good also, and I really appreciate their performance but I can't enjoy it because all the songs they sang are very serious songs. Of which I can't really process. And having empty stomach & headache didn't help.

I went with Ernest and met with Kenny, Jiaqi & her friends, and also Jeth there. Was quite surprised because at first I though more choir members will come along. It appears that I'm wrong haha.

Kenny is being emo as to when we are going to be as good as NUS choir (and cross-finger, VJC choir)

NUS got the championship and full mark for choir 2008 grand prix in St. Petersburg; the same grand prix we're going to attend this June. I know we're not up to their standard yet.

Anyway, a good choir ability is necessary. But, for me, I will still enjoy coming to SMUCC although it's not as good as NUS. Why? not the situation, not the abilities, but for the sake of singing =).

Faith

2009-02-21T00:29:00.005+08:00

I'm not a Christian, I'm not a Catholic, but this is one inspirational story that really touches me. It's a story of faith and family.

Feel free to visit the blog:
http://songernlim.wordpress.com

I'm impressed for the faith this family has on God and His blessing.

Be strong, Jonathan

p.s. Jonathan is my choir friend

Doubutsu Uranai

2009-02-19T04:22:00.002+08:00

Evelyn
11/07/1990

You are Orange Sheep, who is quiet sort, and is a touchable person.
But you possess feminine attraction as well.
This may seem like flirting to fellow women, and may be misunderstood by men.
You are a sociable, but tend to keep a distance from people, and will not show your real emotions and feelings easily.
Although you are modest, you are a proud person as well.
You don't apologize or yield to things.
You have great tactics to make others take in your demand, without them realizing taht they are doing so.
You are extremely good at negotiating and bargaining.
You tend to feel isolated, and in order to overcome that loneliness, you have lots of interests.
You have sharp eyes, and can make your ideals come true by effectively adopting other people's expectations.
Although you lack leadership sort of action, you have perseverance to take up any challenge.
You can also use money efficiently, and therefore you are a shrewd shopper.
You are good at catching the heart of men.
You will be liked by different type of people.
But this may give them false idea, and cause misunderstanding.
Although you may take men lightly, once married, you will become a devoted wife and a mother.

n.b. then I also checked my family's animals & colors..

And then I go to wiki and I found this:

Earth group: (self-centered, focused)
Sun group: (self-centered, easily distracted)
Full moon group: (mindful of others, focused)
- Sheep (me)
- Panther
New moon group: (mindful of others, easily distracted)
- Fawn
- Tanuki (raccoon dog)

end note: interesting... anyway it sounds pretty much true :D

link to the test: http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/index.html

The Principle of Increasing Opportunity Cost

2009-02-14T20:08:00.003+08:00

also called "The Long-Hanging-Fruit Principle".

I was studying Economics during Gamelan practice last night and I came across this principle. Here is what it says: "In expanding the production of any good, first employ those resources with the lowest opportunity cost, and only afterward turn to resources with higher opportunity costs"

Basically the principle was saying that you should choose the easiest sources to get your hands on before switching to more difficult ones.

The book gives one analogy about a new replacement CEO who is assigned in a non-effective company. According to this principle, the CEO should first tackle the problems that are easiest to solve first and then tackle on the harder ones after. I think this makes a lot of sense though instead of tackling such miniscule problems I would tackle those of high importance which is the root of every others. But then again, I've never been a CEO so I should learn from those successful CEOs xD.
[The book states easy problems with high consequences of bringing the company to be better though].

Anyway, my point of writing this relates to the post I made before. Regarding the apple tree thingy. Such a coincidence that after I made that post I found this principle when reading my econs book. This princible of 'low-hanging-fruit' sort of broke the logical relation in the previous one.

Suppose the guys as the apple-pickers
And the girls as the apples

If we apply this principle, then logically the guys will pick those low-hanging apples (easy girls).
And anyway, the principle said that the fruit-pickers will only reach the top if he is planning to collect all the fruits.
So in conclusion.. the guys that will reach the top is a.. womanizer?

Oh man, that sounds super wrong, hahahaha

However, that makes sense, don't you think? How many top women fell for such guys? Because these guys have the gut to go after them. =P.

Yet, mankind is not a fixed subjects. There are a lot of irregularities regarding our species. Not only in our species, in everything that exists in this world, there are always outliers. Things that are different from the rest. So, there should still be guys somewhere out there who have enough guts yet not womanizers.

I really think that I learned to observe many humanity issues through what I've learned from Economics. Interesting, eh?

Girls are like apples on trees

2009-02-11T23:04:00.001+08:00

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Something random I found on the internet =)
Nice, huh?

Econs application

2009-01-30T14:20:00.002+08:00

Do you know what makes an all-rounder a bad thing?

If you are not a good enough all-rounder (and sometime good enough is not enough), you will always be at comparative disadvantage

(to be updated later)

Losing myself

2009-01-21T21:44:00.003+08:00

I'm losing
I'm drowning
I need reassurance
Not from a biased person
Not from someone who are used to me
But from someone honest
Someone objective enough
To tell me who I am
What I am good at
What I am supposed to be

Sorry, I'm being really emotional these few days
I need something that will help me prove my worth in this strange and foreign environment, completely different with my really comfortable zone back then

anyone?

Self Discovery

2009-01-16T02:23:00.003+08:00

I can't believe that I actually learn something during CT class today.

Here's an excerpt of what I typed in my OneNote earlier

--> Creativity is…
· Making connections/associations. ~Steve Jobs.
· Act of turning new & imaginative ideas into reality
· Requires passion and commitment
○ The more time you spend time with your interest, more the results

The third point brought me into a deep thought. What is my passion?
Looks like an easy question, huh?

But now I cannot answer it. I don't really know myself now.
A few years back.. I might know it, but I'm also not so sure.

I really really need to start again my journey to a self-discovery. >.<

Motivation

2009-01-13T19:25:00.002+08:00

I just found one usefulness of writing a blog. It gives you motivation when you reread it. These past few days I have been feeling slack, but after reading my old posts and comments from my friends and sister, my motivation came back.

Choir practices have been hectic and I got a throat inflammation yesterday. It is still painful even now :(. But I was losing the enjoyment in going to the choir. Why? One reason I can think of is that we practiced too often already. And I'm starting to get bored of it. Also, yesterday's practice was quite the critique to Alto. I really need to learn to accept being criticized. =S.

Sigh...

But anyway, I read my old posts and I realize that life is not easy. It is not easy at all. So I guess I just need to cope with it and try to perfect my imperfect aspects.

Life sucks? Yes, but it's still enjoyable

2009-01-11T00:24:00.002+08:00

Back again with the girl who is in a high writing mood right now.

Referring to my previous post Singing: such a harmony of which mentioned that life generally sucks, I would like to put in a few comments regarding this.

There's a saying that is unequivocally true: The grass in the other side is always greener. This is the indisputable truth that cause us to suffer. As what Buddha said, 'life is a suffering'. We suffer because we were constantly in envy with other people.

You may think you don't envy others when your life is so perfect. But I've known better. I consider my life to be more fortunate compared to some others, but I still find myself desiring something those who are less fortunate than me own. Let me give a graphic example of this. I really really think that I lived a smooth and sailing life during my childhood and puberty compared to my sister who had a lot of problems (silly & serious ones). Though I'm blessed with not much problems, I know that I envy my sister for those problems. I really think that getting problems is where I can get the experience so that I would be more experienced and wise in the future.

Weird, right? Envying someone for their problems when you have none at all.

Envy, such a strong feeling. Envy does not mean ungrateful. You can envy someone even when you're grateful. Like me, I'm actually grateful that I don't have to go through all the problems, but I also envy those who had problems.

Urm... Now I confuse myself.....

Anyway, life sucks when you know you can't get what you want and envy others for their getting it. But life is still enjoyable in its own way, in your own way. Life still can be enjoyed when you put what you have in yourself into work and be grateful for it.

Singing: such a harmony

2009-01-10T23:58:00.003+08:00

Ever since I was in kindergarten, I've started singing in a choir. Back then, I have two commitments (though I did not use such complicated word back then), singing and dancing. I remembered that I had to choose one from the two to attend a competition in Surabaya (yes, kindergarten competition -- I even remember my friend sleeping in our way back in the car with her mouth open, haha). And back then, I chose dancing. That was not because I didn't like choir. It's just that I enjoyed dance more.

Until primary school, I still continued dancing (til around pri 3 I think). That was the time where my chubbiness turned from a cutey chubby to freaking fatso. And I lost my confidence to still be in a dance (duh, that was not the true reason though. I feet always hurt after ballet lesson -- dunno what went wrong). So I stopped dancing since then.

My interest was still there though. I would love to join dance in junior high or senior high, but the available dance was not the type of dance I'd like to join. So in senior high I joined choir back. =).
My choir career did not last though, because I have whole lots of other activities then. I would attend the practices but during performance day I often could not make it because I got something else more important on (it's rather sad actually).

At university, my old passion for dance came back because I found a dance group where I'd enjoy learning the dance (contemp - classic). Sadly, (yes! very very very sad!), I did not get to join because I flunked my audition. And here, a weighty girl amongst slender & thing girls (duh, life sucks a bit more if you're fat - note that I'm saying life generally sucks). And after that, I found the choir again~ which I really really enjoy.

One interesting thing about me is that I don't really follow music, I don't really like listening to the music, but I love singing.

And singing contributes much of my last week schedule: singing practices everyday all week long (be it choir or honk or the kissing group). It helps though; now it feels easier to reach high pitches xD.

I love my choir, I love singing, I love the harmony, I love the people.

We will be performing our annual concert: "Wrinkles in the air to.." next month. You're invited to watch our performance at Esplanade Recital Studio on Feb 10. Tickets is $16 each =). Contact me for tix!

finally, a swim in the last 6 months

2009-01-10T23:42:00.003+08:00

As a water element girl -- based on my astrological horoscope: cancer, I basically love to swim. I can recall swimming since I was 2 or 3 years old. Back then my father would 'throw' me into the pool and let me do 'waterproof -- moving my limbs in order to stay floating', a great survival skills should I be within a deep water area.

I did quite a lot of swimming. And soon, swimming became natural to me. I used to join the swimming club in Malang which had 2 practices a week. It didn't last long, though.

The thing I hate most when going to swim is my medium-long hair. It is so ma fan to have long hair if you like swimming. --basically, I'm very lazy to have to wash hair every time I swim. Especially, back then I swam in a public place so the toilet is not that clean... Figures.. (SMU Gym shower is much much better -- best so far, haha).

Since I came to Singapore, I've always had an easy and accessible swimming pool - just below my condo. It is logical that if I like swimming then I should have make use of it. But during my 4-5 months stay in Singapore, I've never swum even once. Until today~.

Actually, even today, the laziness to swim also came back because then I only just finished having my late lunch. With a full stomach, exercising is really a big no no. However in the end I managed to beat my laziness and swam. Such a shame that the wind was quite disturbing just now; it made the water colder and not calm enough for an enjoyable swim.

I only lasted for around half an hour just now. The water was freaking cold, and the length of the pool is super long (I think it's the longest length I've even swum before -- half of it feels like what it usually is in Indo). But is it just me? Or is it a fact?

It could be that I was lacking in exercise -- which is why I felt going one length of the pool is really exhaustive.

Need to train more, need to swim more =). and make something out of my 2009 resolution ;)

New Year Resolution

2009-01-01T23:10:00.004+08:00

Happy New Year to all readers (if any)

3 Resolutions for 2009

1.
Lose weight

2.
Work on my potential (be more likable, able to talk smoothly through presentations, improve writing skills, A [and A+] Grades)

3.
Be a less sensitive and emotional person (be more accepting)

An Emotional Time

2008-12-25T22:55:00.003+08:00

I have been quite emo as of lately. The history is that one of the people I despised most (and I will stress that I don't despise people easily) came over to my house and ordered around as if he is King. Actually I haven't been angry for quite some time already. I remembered the last time I was angry was in grade 11. But yet I was not really angry that time. So you can say that I don't remember the last time I was really angry. I can't even recall I've been really really angry like this time. (if angry was the emotion I experienced at all).

Sorry, the writing is a bit crappy. I'm not really into typing things that need to be thought before. I just want to express my so called angry feeling.

Anyway, even after two weeks, if the topic was brought up, I still feel the same way as before - be it anger or not. Let me describe the emotion:
1. My head becomes really hot.
2. Afterward I got headache
3. My breathing becomes heavy
4. I cry
5. I feel destructive (want to throw and break things and hear the breaking sound).

But the weird thing is...
I'm not sure why I was so angry, what I was so angry about. It's just that I feel like being angry that time.

Sucks...
.....
...
..
.

Even now if the topic is brought up, I might end up feeling the same emotion, which I'm not sure about. Is it anger? Is it something else?

安靜了 - S.H.E

2008-11-24T01:09:00.005+08:00

It's been quite some time since the last time I updated. Been busy with school and tomorrow (well today actually) I got finals >.<. less than 12 hours.... my Business Law paper is on 1 pm and now is 1:10 am haha.

Anyway, when I studied during the previous days, I tuned on [V] channel Taiwan and heard of this sweet sweet Chinese Song. It took me quite a while to figure out the title with my limited Chinese vocabulary but in the end I found it to be 安靜了（ａｎ　ｊｉｎｇ　ｌｅ）sang by S.H.E. Moreover, just now I figured out that Jay Chou composed it. Anyway the song is super nice though I could not really make sense of the translation I found in the net. Here's a youtube vid ;)

and here's the lyrics in hanzi, pinyin, and translation =)

安静了 - Silenced

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo zhan zai zhe li
I’m left standing here with the piano beside me

梦想中属于我们的婚礼
meng xiang zhong shu yu wo men de hun li
The wedding I’ve dreamt for us

却成了单人结婚进行曲
que cheng le dan ren jie hun jin xing qu
Has become a solo wedding march

在这场爱情较力的拔河里
zai zhe chang ai qing jiao li de ba he li
In this tug-of-war of love,

爱我还是爱你
ai wo hai shi ai ni
Will you love me or yourself?

你选择了自己 wo~
ni xuan ze le zi ji
You chose yourself

撒娇的可爱的
sa jiao de ke ai de
Childish… adorable…

粘人的爱哭的
nian ren de ai ku de
Clingy… crybaby…

照片里曾经的都是你喜欢的
zhao pian li ceng jing de dou shi ni xi huan de
[The person] in the photos is everything you once loved

如今我还在原地
ru jin wo hai zai yuan di
Now I remain at the starting point

你却走回你的记忆
ni que zou hui ni de ji yi
Yet you went back to your memories

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
ni shuo wo ai ni tai duo jiu kuai yao ba ni yan mo
You said I love you too much, you’re almost drowning

你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
ni hai pa xing fu duan zan yi miao jiu beng luo
You fear happiness is only for an instant, that it will fall apart in a second

分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
fen kai shi yi zhong jie tuo rang ni hao hao de xiang guo
Separation is a release; it will make you think

我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我
wo xiang yao de na pian tian kong ni shi bu shi neng gou gei wo
Whether you can give me the happiness I want

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
ni shuo wo gei ni tai duo que bu neng gei wo shen me
You said I give you too much, but you can’t give back

分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
fen bu qing ji qing cheng nuo yong heng huo mi huo
Can’t tell passion, commitment, eternity and infatuation apart

爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
ai qing shi yi dao shang kou wo men ge zi ku tong
Love is a wound, we bear the pain on our own

沉默是我最后温柔是因为我太爱你
chen mo shi wo zui hou wen rou shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
Silence is my last act of kindness… because I love you so

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo zhan zai zhe li
I’m left standing here with the piano beside me

梦想中属於我们的婚礼
meng xiang zhong shu yu wo men de hun li
The wedding I’ve dreamt for us

安静了在我枕边的梦里
an jing le zai wo zhen bian de meng li
Was silenced in the dreams of the person beside me

我知道相爱原本就不容易
wo zhi dao xiang ai yuan ben jiu bu rong yi
I know loving someone isn’t easy to begin with

爱不是一加一
ai bu shi yi jia yi
Love is not ‘one plus one’

努力就有结局 wo~
nu li jiu you jie ju
[Where] hard work guarantees a happy ending

撒娇的可爱的
sa jiao de ke ai de
Childish… adorable…

粘人的爱哭的
nian ren de ai ku de
Clingy… crybaby…

照片里曾经的都是爱着你的
zhao pian li ceng jing de dou shi ai zhe ni de
[The person] in the photo once loved you

脸颊的泪还温热
lian jia de lei hai wen re
The tears on my cheeks are still warm

却没有人握我的手
que mei you ren wo wo de shou
But no one is here to hold my hand

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
ni shuo wo ai ni tai duo jiu kuai yao ba ni yan mo
You said I love you too much, you’re almost drowning

你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
ni hai pa xing fu duan zan yi miao jiu beng luo
You fear happiness is only for an instant, that it will fall apart in a second

分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
fen kai shi yi zhong jie tuo rang ni hao hao de xiang guo
Separation is a release; it will make you think

我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我
wo xiang yao de na pian tian kong ni shi bu shi neng gou gei wo
Whether you can give me the happiness I want

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
ni shuo wo gei ni tai duo que bu neng gei wo shen me
You said I give you too much, but you can’t give back

分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
fen bu qing ji qing cheng nuo yong heng huo mi huo
Can’t tell passion, commitment, eternity and infatuation apart

爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
ai qing shi yi dao shang kou wo men ge zi ku tong
Love is a wound, we bear the pain on our own

沉默是我最后温柔是因为我太爱你
chen mo shi wo zui hou wen rou shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
Silence is my last act of kindness… because I love you so

- work of lene from http://www.jay-chou.net forum -

The Road Not Taken

2008-11-06T21:13:00.003+08:00

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Taken


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

source: bartleby.com

Just now I remembered of a poem I have not read for so long. A poem I considered the most beautiful English poem I have ever read. So I googled it and posted it up for you. This poem was recommended to me once by my sister but before that I've found this poem myself. Beautiful, don't you think? And the content is absolutely true.

Everything in life is about the choice we make. And I tried to reflect back my stay in this foreign land for the last four months. Probably I should start on the first time I decided to go to this university. I do not know exactly what pulled me to enroll here. I just knew I want to go and study here. Before I experienced the study life here, I thought this school will be different from the two most popular universities. From what I read and what I heard of, this uni is more practical than theoretical. I guess that is true. I assumed back then that there would be less studying than in any other universities. But my experience here proved my assumption to be incorrect.

People in my town said that my high school is very demanding so I thought that entering university would not be a problem to me. But here am I, struggling to survive. I do not know whether it is the transition period or what but one thing I know is that I have to work really hard to keep my marks up to standard.

This term I failed to do so. And it is a bit too late to get serious to studying properly. So I will absolve this in the next term. However, I still need to do my best for finals. Oh well, as life is a choice, here is another choice to make. Becoming outstanding or becoming mediocre. For me, my whole life has been quite outstanding so I do not think I should become mediocre just after facing this stressful university life.

Focus. Focus. Focus. Focus.

Sorry a bit trashy. Oh well, really stressed out with projects

Not feeling well

2008-10-16T21:28:00.002+08:00

Hi :). At school now, @ACC (Arts & Cultural Center) waiting for practice to begin... We are rehearsing for tomorrow's DESA (Dance.Eat.Sing.Act).

Last night only slept for around 3 hours then had to go to school early to study LTB :(. Now I'm very sleepy and feeling very dizzy.

Short post;; no idea what to write...

Will update soon :)

Night Safari on October

2008-10-12T22:34:00.003+08:00

So, after some devastating moments we went through, yesterday night we decided to go to the Night Safari.

The idea came out of nowhere but oh well, it's been quite fun because at least we did not only see animals of the night but also.....

Creatures of the Night

wow, that rings a bell... yeah, the Phantom of the Opera!

I love this musical show! I saw one live in Las Vegas last December :D

Anyway, back to the trip. The Night Safari has come out with this event starting on October to celebrate Halloween (and of course, to attract tourists - not that I mind)

We reached at 9:10. At first we want to go for a Halloween cocktail ride but it's fully booked. So in the end we only buy the entrance ticket and the tram ride. Before we went in... we bought B&J's (Ben & Jerry's) ice cream and took pictures in front of the B&J's logo. I'll post along the pictures later :). Unfortunately we don't have the chance to take pictures together (my sister said that's the hard part of traveling alone or with one another person: cannot take pictures of ourselves!).

After finishing the ice cream we boarded the Halloween Tram. It's much like the usual tram, going around the safari with someone explaining the animals. But this guide voice is so creepy like and there are occasional scares. The Halloween Tram also went through the Gate of Hell made for people abusing or hurting or hunting or killing or skinning or .. or .. or ... animals. This place is quite creepy. Some of the so-called 'actors' acting as scary scary ghosts actually scare us and some even boarded the train (Holy Sh*t!). It was not really scary but it was very heart-shockingly surprising.

After the tram ride we also walked around through the trails. One of the trails was the Halloween route. And again, got people scaring us. My sister was the one screaming though.. I did not scream but I was surprise and scared as well (I'm not a girl who screams when I'm scared). The walk was quite long and we were exhausted when we reached the entrance again. By the time we boarded the taxi to go home it was 12+ and we got 50% overcharge T___T.

Pictures:

burden pt.2

2008-10-11T19:32:00.001+08:00

and i am still tearing
drops trickle unexpectedly
waves of guilt within me
will we walk away a stronger entity?

will the goodness (i thought it was good) slip away?
such a facade
or are we too blind to see?
i am strugling with this uncertainty

credit: a.s. (comment to the post 'taking it for the granted')

Those who you care for the most

2008-10-11T15:57:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I have a little chat with my sister and we came to something she had read before: that sometimes people who you love the most will end up as people who you don't even bother to think about their feeling when you are with them.

I reflected it.

And its true.

We will dress up when we meet or friends
but we wont when we are going out with our own family

We will talk politely with a stranger even when we are in a bad mood
but we won't talk politely with our family when we are in a bad mood

I found this very true, I found this very disturbing.
~~Perhaps,~~ someday I will be able to care adequately to the people I love the most.

update til now

2008-10-11T00:54:00.002+08:00

After the two highly melancholic posts, I think it's appropriate to give something less saddening to you all :). (and also I am trying to entertain myself out of my saddened self).

School's been fine so far. I don't think I'm coping up that well for the lesson but I guess time is all I need to adjust. Probably won't get a high GPA or something but I'm quite enthusiastic that next term will be better.

One week recess is about to end in... two days (counting) - although recess does not feel like a recess at all.

However, some entertaining things had happened. DESA practice, for one. DESA is abbreviation for Dance-Eat-Sing-Act - a performance by SMUKI (SMU Komunitas Indonesia) to be performed next Friday (Oct 17). At first all these gamelan practices felt really boring but on combined rehearsal - it's a different case.

It is safe to assume that all SMUKI-ers are quite out of their mind -- especially after today. So after rehearsal those who don't really have other stuffs to do (me, for instance) stayed behind, helping the Narojeng (sp?) dance team to practice. During the vacant time, however, they turned the rehearsal to live-band performance; starring Ernest, Sylvia, Sugiek, and several others xD. Quite entertaining, they are.

Also, I've never thought that Hiubert (forgive the weird name spelling), could perform the sissy dukun very well. He's super funny and I cannot stop laughing. For those reading this post, DESA next Friday really SHOULD NOT be missed.

You will get a preview of Indonesian culture, as well as entertaining show, and... of course, FOOD! (Padang cuisine :3)

Burden

2008-10-11T00:48:00.004+08:00

Right now, there is a burden in my heart
A burden I wish to redeem soon
A burden caused by my own ignorance
A burden caused by my own action
I've never felt this burden inside
Probably because I am too thick to notice
Because my own ego entice
Right now I'm trying to redeem
Hopefully the chance will arrive
The chance where I can say to you
face to face
that I love you

Taking things for the granted

2008-10-11T00:35:00.002+08:00

Things had happened since I last wrote. Before today, I've wanted to write countless times but I cannot seem to win against my tendency to be lazy and to procrastinate.

The event today however, cannot be skipped.

Something big has happened, causing quite a mess to my life. However, after several hours of crying (not nonstop -- I keep crying, stopping, and crying again), I realize that this might happen because it ought to happen in order to fix the mess that has been looked over by me so far.

I'm not saying anything. However, it concerned someone in my immediate family. I myself always put family as priority beyond others. And although it seems so in my mind, when I act it out, it might not be true. Sadly, it's proven untrue from today's event.

Hopefully this realization will make me to be a better person and act accordingly to my priority.

ILY, my dearest family
To the special someone who caused this mess although it's very unlikely that you will read nor understand this post ever: yes, I LOVE YOU even though I never say it out loud. (no, we never speak it out loud in our family -- mostly affection by conduct and not words.)

Phew, what a relief

2008-09-18T02:01:00.003+08:00

Hi there!
It was quite tiring today...

Actually I only have one class, Acad Writing.. And that's half the length of the usual class, making me go to school just for 1,5 hours. Haiz, even the journey from my home to school and back is 1,5 hours (sometimes even more). So, yeah~ Wednesday is annoying.

After class, I went to print some readings for the next essay assignment. Before me there was a girl who was taking such a looong time to print. Her ez-link card balance was not enough to do all her printing jobs (which is sooo many). Then after she managed to set her mind which documents needed to be printed it was my turn. I only printed 2 documents 12 pages in total, 48 cents in cost.

Then I waited for her printing to be done. And guess what? I think she took my prints with her. (Yeah, probably she did not keep track how many pages she printed as after the machine finished printing, the stack of papers was like 3 cm thick. I stood dumbstruck, gazing at the printing machine waiting it to print my documents. But of course.. it never did. My 48 cents were gone inside the 3 cm stack of papers.....

Therefore, I need to turn my laptop back on and reprint. Super time consuming, grrrr....

Anyway, I managed to get the printing job done and I depart from school. First, going to concourse to draw some money. At first I feel like eating Koufu but then again I changed my mind to try the new Justacia in Dhoby Ghaut. So I went there and ate and paid. After having dinner I decided to go home from Dhoby Ghaut but before that I planned to top up my ezlink card first. Imagine my horrifying self when I found that my matric card which I put behind the ezlink card, which I carried those two blasted cards everywhere as a long necklace, is gone (FYI, matric card is used to go inside and outside my school, and sometimes enter GSRs - group study rooms. I lost it therefore I cannot enter the school.)

I was in a panic then. I backtraced my route to Justacia where I ate dinner and found nothing, then I walked all the way from Dhoby Ghaut back to school and still found nothing. Then I went to concourse and I still found nothing. And so I reported to the security. The officer asked me to fill in lost item report. But even before I filled the first field, another officer asked my name.... and guess what? They found my matric card. And I have to collect it at SCC in library building.

Thank God. Phew....................

Cockroach

2008-09-15T01:58:00.004+08:00

I just saw a phrase in one of my friends' blog here. There is something that caught my eyes immediately: the phrase 'Kecoak yang Ingin Hidup' which literally translates to 'A Cockroach that wants to live'.

Hearing this phrase in my friends' blog brought me back to last Monday. I was in TWC class then. One of my group mates (who coincidentally has three same classes with me) complained to us: "I wish I'm a cockroach". That was the reason why I felt inspired to write this post after reading the phrase I stated earlier (A Cockroach that wants to live).

So.. I have two friends saying a familiar thing about a cockroach life (which now reminds me about A Bug's Life).

Well, I don't really read what my friend said in his blog (too lazy). But my classmate's phrase had been echoing in my head. She said she wished she was a cockroach because of the abominable workload SMU had. (indeed, I now agree with you, C).

Then after she said that my other groupmate asked her: why cockroach? And she said that as a cockroach we don't need to think. We just live.

Sounds like a good life, huh?

But then what's the purpose of living?

No offense to you, C. I know people can be very tired some of the time. But don't be stressed out. Enjoy the life you are living now as a human. Because you can only enjoy when you are human. You cannot feel at all if you are a cockroach. So be grateful with the life you have.

Being busy is one of modern people problems nowadays. We have so many things to catch up and so little time (just like what Prof. Kan said in my first TWC class).

I, too, have time when I wish I can enjoy the easy life. But life is not easy. It rarely is. So.. I guess we need to cope with what we have in our hands and enjoy our time.

Urm.. does this make sense? I'm not really coordinated as I'm quite sleepy now... :P

I think when I get the inspiration from Maihe's blog, I managed to motivate myself by using this post. Thanks, Maihe (though you might not read this)

:)

E.S.

Expression Number

2008-09-15T00:05:00.004+08:00

I just read Zadok's blog today and I got this test (based on name), which he got from J's blog, which I haven't visited for a very long time now. (Sorry J! :P)

Anyway, here's my result...

Your Expression Number is 1

You have the skills to be a top executive or businessperson.

But first you must develop your natural capacity to be a good leader.

You are truly original - with a creative approach to life and a very sharp mind.

You reach for the sky, and you have the potential to reach it.

Assertive and straight forward, you have little need for supervision.

You are self-confident, self-reliant, and courageous in your convictions.

While you sometimes fear loneliness, you prefer to be left alone.

A bit self centered, you may be hard to life with at times.

You also have a strong dominant streak - which can push others away at times.

What's Your Expression Number?

I think it's quite suitable. I got this number a lot, and I mean A LOT. When I put on my birth date I also usually got this number '1'. (I learned a bit of numerology, haha...)

Seeing the results above often send my thoughts to my dreams. However I still have a lot to do and push myself to my potential limit.

Despite knowing I have such a potential, I cannot really pursue it because mostly I will find myself lazing around. *Sigh* (I don't know how many times I sighed today [yesterday])...

Send me your motivation! That's sooo gladly appreciated :D

E.S.

Such an Uneventful Day

2008-09-13T02:05:00.002+08:00

Hey :)

In this post.. I would like to write about what I did yesterday (Friday).
Well.. I slept at like 4 am and that was when I remembered that I have a library training section on how to conduct proper and useful Google search at 10 am. I hoped that I would be able to wake up and set my alarm at around 8 am. But the effort was meaningless. The moment I woke up and checked my phone it was already 10 something. So definitely late.

I truly hope that it will not be a problem not to attend the session. I hurriedly mailed the library and told that I was not able to make it.

That done, I still had some time until my project meeting for Business Law at two.

Let's just skip this part and proceed to the meeting

Oh ya, I need to tell that from my house to school it will usually take me 40-50 minutes. So I have to leave at around one in order to reach school at two. I arrived on time and the meeting proceed.

Our group meeting today was not too productive. We covered the issue we want to talk about already and we spent like two hours without progress. We finished at four and I grabbed some light refreshment to eat on my way to the MRT station.

I reached home between 5 pm and 6 pm. After that I went online for a while and decided to take a late nap. I slept at around 6.30 and woke up at 9...

I was planning to do some readings for business law but in the end I spent my time reading fanfictions and MSN-ing (haha.. no wonder here...)

I guess that summarizes my boring and uneventful Friday.

*sigh* Such a boring post...

So far...

2008-09-12T02:30:00.004+08:00

Anyway, it's quite late to begin a new blog to mark the beginning of my new chapter, which is college life; as my school has been running for four weeks already. (Yeah, we're in week 4!)

So.. Let me tell you about my progress so far...

I am never a studious person. So I'm not too stressed out with the schoolwork right now. Some of my friends are on the edge already. Yep, lessons are stressful, but I'm not really stressed out :D

I'm taking five course units this term: Technology & World Change (TWC), Academic Writing (AW), Introduction to Statistics (Stats), Business Law (BL), and Leadership and Team Building (LTB).

By looking at the subjects I'm taking... You should be able to guess which university I am from (if you are Singaporean). Of course this does not apply to my friends who already know, hahaha!

I quite enjoy the university life, actually. It is not too different from school despite the harder thinking and heavier workload (*sigh..)

So many things have been going in just four weeks. I met a lot of new friends, learned quite a lot of things, too.

Well I think that's all I want to say for now. I might elaborate with more details if I remember something I want to tell :)

I'm off to bed now! Good night :D

E.S.

Hello

2008-09-12T02:17:00.000+08:00

Hi! Welcome to my new blog. As for who I am, do check the profile page in the navigation bar above :3

This is not my first blog. On the contrary, this is my i-do-not-now-what-is-the-count try to make a blog. And again, hopefully I will not abandon this blog.

I started this blog as a sign of a new life (my college life!).

Do follow and read!

E.S.