...

I'm such a pampered kid. And I noticed it today. Good thing that I finally notice that...

I do not face many failures in my 19 year old life. I usually get what I wanted. And I think I should be grateful that the force out there has given me a peg down on my ego.

Oh, I faced failure before, but only for things that I do not really want. You see, my last year in high school, I applied for the 3 local unis in Singapore. But out of the three I only want to go to one of them. And I got in, whilst I didn't get accepted to the 2 others that I didn't really want to go. So it's no big deal even though I'm aware of these failures, cause I don't really want it in the first place.

Other failures will be about grades. First term in uni as well as first term in high school, my grades were not as high as my expectation. But my expectations are beyond average so I still can compare with others.

Oh, and I failed on a test before. once. but with a perfectly logical reason that the failure is acceptable for me and that it actually brings more good as I get to attend the so called remedial class at school. Remedial class has been terrifyingly useful, more useful than if I studied the subject myself.

Sounds like a perfect life? Now that I'm here and I reflect on my life back, I think it's really uneventful. It sounded too good to be true. I don't think my life is perfect. I think I'm delusional, living in a life of lies trying to be content with myself.

Now though, as I signed up for what I really want, and I didn't get through, the failure hits really hard. And I don't know what I do wrong. And I want to know, but am afraid to ask.

Simply put, I don't deal with many failures in my life. And I'm dealing with one right now. And I'm clueless how I should face it...

This is one of my fears when I start to notice how competitive it is here. I know that at some point I'll have to fail. And I do fail. And I need to learn to get used to it and turn the disappointment to something more useful.

Share your experience, anyone?

So I get a picture how to overcome this.

Writing: a result of practice

Do you believe that practice makes perfect?

There is this one argument that I made when I was really really lazy during Pelatnas 1 TOKI regarding this statement.

Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect. So, why bother?

That was my thoughts back then.

Well, actually it still kind of makes sense now. What is wrong there is the statement 'practice makes perfect'. Instead of this, it should say something like 'practice makes you more proficient'. You can't be perfect, but you can be proficient.

This is what I truly feel about writing. And frankly speaking, I think posting blog entries helps. From my self assessment, I think I've become more proficient in writing structured message =). But yeah, still lagging behind in Management Communication (obviously, the D+ mark)

Well, I guess I have to keep the practice to achieve more proficiency =]

n.b. DO NOT SEEK FOR PERFECTION! If the statement that 'nobody is perfect' is true, then you really shouldn't seek perfection in your life. Why? You'll end up disappointed because you can never be perfect.

Out of the Comfort Zone

I've been offered to be SL of altos.
Actually they've asked me like last week but I didn't feel the pressurre then
Today they told me that in front of most of the choir
And yes, I fell pressure

Am I ready for this?
Am I ready to take the responsibility?

It was very simple back then when I just come and sing
But if I were to be an SL, I can't just sing. I have to make sure that MY section sings well.
Am I ready for this responsibility?

I feel that this is still out of my comfort zone
But then, I'm bracing myself for this. For a step forward to improve myself.

Out of the comfort zone

Resolution progress

I'm referring to my resolution for 2009 here.

I realized that... I might have improved in my writing skills, presentation skills and (probably) grades this term (my second resolution)

BUT, my first (which is to lose weight) and my third (not to be so emo and sensitive) are failing miserably =(

Oh well, at least now I know I have to work on it ^^

is this my way?

I've always liked taking personality test and I've been taking countless of them. There is this one application in Facebook called MyPersonality and I've taken the test a few months ago.

However, yesterday when I opened it again, I realized one new feature about the most suitable college major. My most suitable one (according to the test) is architecture, followed by anthropology and psychology. Meanwhile, right now I'm taking business.

Regarding those choices that the test has chosen for me:
1. Architecture - I wanted to be an architect once but that was like ages ago. Primary school, I think. And by that time, I didn't really understand what is architecture. Even now, I also didn't know what am I supposed to do in architecture. I like to observe buildings - yes - but I'm not into designing it. So.. this one is definitely not me

2. Anthropology - I also never studied this before as it is a subject for social stream in high school whilst I took science stream back then. I understand it is a study of human culture though -- something I'm immensely interested in. This term I have a course called Creative Thinking and during this course, I'm faced to various artworks etc. On my observation about these works, I always relate to culture and humanity (indication!!)
I wouldn't mind studying this =P

3. Psychology - This field of study is also something I have interest in, although not as much as in anthropology. I like taking personality quizzes, I like observing people and guess what's their true personality etc. But yet, I don't think I want to delve further in this subject.

And Business is not even recommended for me there. But anyway, even though I didn't make the right choice back then, I believe I can make it right for me. There's no way back and I have to keep looking forward.

Faith

I'm not a Christian, I'm not a Catholic, but this is one inspirational story that really touches me. It's a story of faith and family.

Feel free to visit the blog:
http://songernlim.wordpress.com

I'm impressed for the faith this family has on God and His blessing.

Be strong, Jonathan

p.s. Jonathan is my choir friend

The Principle of Increasing Opportunity Cost

also called "The Long-Hanging-Fruit Principle".

I was studying Economics during Gamelan practice last night and I came across this principle. Here is what it says: "In expanding the production of any good, first employ those resources with the lowest opportunity cost, and only afterward turn to resources with higher opportunity costs"

Basically the principle was saying that you should choose the easiest sources to get your hands on before switching to more difficult ones.

The book gives one analogy about a new replacement CEO who is assigned in a non-effective company. According to this principle, the CEO should first tackle the problems that are easiest to solve first and then tackle on the harder ones after. I think this makes a lot of sense though instead of tackling such miniscule problems I would tackle those of high importance which is the root of every others. But then again, I've never been a CEO so I should learn from those successful CEOs xD.
[The book states easy problems with high consequences of bringing the company to be better though].

Anyway, my point of writing this relates to the post I made before. Regarding the apple tree thingy. Such a coincidence that after I made that post I found this principle when reading my econs book. This princible of 'low-hanging-fruit' sort of broke the logical relation in the previous one.

Suppose the guys as the apple-pickers
And the girls as the apples

If we apply this principle, then logically the guys will pick those low-hanging apples (easy girls).
And anyway, the principle said that the fruit-pickers will only reach the top if he is planning to collect all the fruits.
So in conclusion.. the guys that will reach the top is a.. womanizer?

Oh man, that sounds super wrong, hahahaha

However, that makes sense, don't you think? How many top women fell for such guys? Because these guys have the gut to go after them. =P.

Yet, mankind is not a fixed subjects. There are a lot of irregularities regarding our species. Not only in our species, in everything that exists in this world, there are always outliers. Things that are different from the rest. So, there should still be guys somewhere out there who have enough guts yet not womanizers.

I really think that I learned to observe many humanity issues through what I've learned from Economics. Interesting, eh?

Econs application

Do you know what makes an all-rounder a bad thing?

If you are not a good enough all-rounder (and sometime good enough is not enough), you will always be at comparative disadvantage

(to be updated later)

Losing myself

I'm losing
I'm drowning
I need reassurance
Not from a biased person
Not from someone who are used to me
But from someone honest
Someone objective enough
To tell me who I am
What I am good at
What I am supposed to be

Sorry, I'm being really emotional these few days
I need something that will help me prove my worth in this strange and foreign environment, completely different with my really comfortable zone back then

anyone?

Self Discovery

I can't believe that I actually learn something during CT class today.

Here's an excerpt of what I typed in my OneNote earlier

--> Creativity is…
· Making connections/associations. ~Steve Jobs.
· Act of turning new & imaginative ideas into reality
· Requires passion and commitment
○ The more time you spend time with your interest, more the results

The third point brought me into a deep thought. What is my passion?
Looks like an easy question, huh?

But now I cannot answer it. I don't really know myself now.
A few years back.. I might know it, but I'm also not so sure.

I really really need to start again my journey to a self-discovery. >.<

New Year Resolution

Happy New Year to all readers (if any)

3 Resolutions for 2009

1.
Lose weight

2.
Work on my potential (be more likable, able to talk smoothly through presentations, improve writing skills, A [and A+] Grades)

3.
Be a less sensitive and emotional person (be more accepting)

An Emotional Time

I have been quite emo as of lately. The history is that one of the people I despised most (and I will stress that I don't despise people easily) came over to my house and ordered around as if he is King. Actually I haven't been angry for quite some time already. I remembered the last time I was angry was in grade 11. But yet I was not really angry that time. So you can say that I don't remember the last time I was really angry. I can't even recall I've been really really angry like this time. (if angry was the emotion I experienced at all).

Sorry, the writing is a bit crappy. I'm not really into typing things that need to be thought before. I just want to express my so called angry feeling.

Anyway, even after two weeks, if the topic was brought up, I still feel the same way as before - be it anger or not. Let me describe the emotion:
1. My head becomes really hot.
2. Afterward I got headache
3. My breathing becomes heavy
4. I cry
5. I feel destructive (want to throw and break things and hear the breaking sound).

But the weird thing is...
I'm not sure why I was so angry, what I was so angry about. It's just that I feel like being angry that time.

Sucks...
.....
...
..
.

Even now if the topic is brought up, I might end up feeling the same emotion, which I'm not sure about. Is it anger? Is it something else?

The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

source: bartleby.com

Just now I remembered of a poem I have not read for so long. A poem I considered the most beautiful English poem I have ever read. So I googled it and posted it up for you. This poem was recommended to me once by my sister but before that I've found this poem myself. Beautiful, don't you think? And the content is absolutely true.

Everything in life is about the choice we make. And I tried to reflect back my stay in this foreign land for the last four months. Probably I should start on the first time I decided to go to this university. I do not know exactly what pulled me to enroll here. I just knew I want to go and study here. Before I experienced the study life here, I thought this school will be different from the two most popular universities. From what I read and what I heard of, this uni is more practical than theoretical. I guess that is true. I assumed back then that there would be less studying than in any other universities. But my experience here proved my assumption to be incorrect.

People in my town said that my high school is very demanding so I thought that entering university would not be a problem to me. But here am I, struggling to survive. I do not know whether it is the transition period or what but one thing I know is that I have to work really hard to keep my marks up to standard.

This term I failed to do so. And it is a bit too late to get serious to studying properly. So I will absolve this in the next term. However, I still need to do my best for finals. Oh well, as life is a choice, here is another choice to make. Becoming outstanding or becoming mediocre. For me, my whole life has been quite outstanding so I do not think I should become mediocre just after facing this stressful university life.

Focus. Focus. Focus. Focus.

Sorry a bit trashy. Oh well, really stressed out with projects

Those who you care for the most

Yesterday I have a little chat with my sister and we came to something she had read before: that sometimes people who you love the most will end up as people who you don't even bother to think about their feeling when you are with them.

I reflected it.

And its true.

We will dress up when we meet or friends
but we wont when we are going out with our own family

We will talk politely with a stranger even when we are in a bad mood
but we won't talk politely with our family when we are in a bad mood

I found this very true, I found this very disturbing.
Perhaps, someday I will be able to care adequately to the people I love the most.

Taking things for the granted

Things had happened since I last wrote. Before today, I've wanted to write countless times but I cannot seem to win against my tendency to be lazy and to procrastinate.

The event today however, cannot be skipped.

Something big has happened, causing quite a mess to my life. However, after several hours of crying (not nonstop -- I keep crying, stopping, and crying again), I realize that this might happen because it ought to happen in order to fix the mess that has been looked over by me so far.

I'm not saying anything. However, it concerned someone in my immediate family. I myself always put family as priority beyond others. And although it seems so in my mind, when I act it out, it might not be true. Sadly, it's proven untrue from today's event.

Hopefully this realization will make me to be a better person and act accordingly to my priority.

ILY, my dearest family
To the special someone who caused this mess although it's very unlikely that you will read nor understand this post ever: yes, I LOVE YOU even though I never say it out loud. (no, we never speak it out loud in our family -- mostly affection by conduct and not words.)

Cockroach

I just saw a phrase in one of my friends' blog here. There is something that caught my eyes immediately: the phrase 'Kecoak yang Ingin Hidup' which literally translates to 'A Cockroach that wants to live'.

Hearing this phrase in my friends' blog brought me back to last Monday. I was in TWC class then. One of my group mates (who coincidentally has three same classes with me) complained to us: "I wish I'm a cockroach". That was the reason why I felt inspired to write this post after reading the phrase I stated earlier (A Cockroach that wants to live).

So.. I have two friends saying a familiar thing about a cockroach life (which now reminds me about A Bug's Life).

Well, I don't really read what my friend said in his blog (too lazy). But my classmate's phrase had been echoing in my head. She said she wished she was a cockroach because of the abominable workload SMU had. (indeed, I now agree with you, C).

Then after she said that my other groupmate asked her: why cockroach? And she said that as a cockroach we don't need to think. We just live.

Sounds like a good life, huh?

But then what's the purpose of living?

No offense to you, C. I know people can be very tired some of the time. But don't be stressed out. Enjoy the life you are living now as a human. Because you can only enjoy when you are human. You cannot feel at all if you are a cockroach. So be grateful with the life you have.

Being busy is one of modern people problems nowadays. We have so many things to catch up and so little time (just like what Prof. Kan said in my first TWC class).

I, too, have time when I wish I can enjoy the easy life. But life is not easy. It rarely is. So.. I guess we need to cope with what we have in our hands and enjoy our time.

Urm.. does this make sense? I'm not really coordinated as I'm quite sleepy now... :P

I think when I get the inspiration from Maihe's blog, I managed to motivate myself by using this post. Thanks, Maihe (though you might not read this)

:)

E.S.