Life sucks? Yes, but it's still enjoyable

Back again with the girl who is in a high writing mood right now.

Referring to my previous post Singing: such a harmony of which mentioned that life generally sucks, I would like to put in a few comments regarding this.

There's a saying that is unequivocally true: The grass in the other side is always greener. This is the indisputable truth that cause us to suffer. As what Buddha said, 'life is a suffering'. We suffer because we were constantly in envy with other people.

You may think you don't envy others when your life is so perfect. But I've known better. I consider my life to be more fortunate compared to some others, but I still find myself desiring something those who are less fortunate than me own. Let me give a graphic example of this. I really really think that I lived a smooth and sailing life during my childhood and puberty compared to my sister who had a lot of problems (silly & serious ones). Though I'm blessed with not much problems, I know that I envy my sister for those problems. I really think that getting problems is where I can get the experience so that I would be more experienced and wise in the future.

Weird, right? Envying someone for their problems when you have none at all.

Envy, such a strong feeling. Envy does not mean ungrateful. You can envy someone even when you're grateful. Like me, I'm actually grateful that I don't have to go through all the problems, but I also envy those who had problems.

Urm... Now I confuse myself.....

Anyway, life sucks when you know you can't get what you want and envy others for their getting it. But life is still enjoyable in its own way, in your own way. Life still can be enjoyed when you put what you have in yourself into work and be grateful for it.

Singing: such a harmony

Ever since I was in kindergarten, I've started singing in a choir. Back then, I have two commitments (though I did not use such complicated word back then), singing and dancing. I remembered that I had to choose one from the two to attend a competition in Surabaya (yes, kindergarten competition -- I even remember my friend sleeping in our way back in the car with her mouth open, haha). And back then, I chose dancing. That was not because I didn't like choir. It's just that I enjoyed dance more.

Until primary school, I still continued dancing (til around pri 3 I think). That was the time where my chubbiness turned from a cutey chubby to freaking fatso. And I lost my confidence to still be in a dance (duh, that was not the true reason though. I feet always hurt after ballet lesson -- dunno what went wrong). So I stopped dancing since then.

My interest was still there though. I would love to join dance in junior high or senior high, but the available dance was not the type of dance I'd like to join. So in senior high I joined choir back. =).
My choir career did not last though, because I have whole lots of other activities then. I would attend the practices but during performance day I often could not make it because I got something else more important on (it's rather sad actually).

At university, my old passion for dance came back because I found a dance group where I'd enjoy learning the dance (contemp - classic). Sadly, (yes! very very very sad!), I did not get to join because I flunked my audition. And here, a weighty girl amongst slender & thing girls (duh, life sucks a bit more if you're fat - note that I'm saying life generally sucks). And after that, I found the choir again~ which I really really enjoy.

One interesting thing about me is that I don't really follow music, I don't really like listening to the music, but I love singing.

And singing contributes much of my last week schedule: singing practices everyday all week long (be it choir or honk or the kissing group). It helps though; now it feels easier to reach high pitches xD.

I love my choir, I love singing, I love the harmony, I love the people.

We will be performing our annual concert: "Wrinkles in the air to.." next month. You're invited to watch our performance at Esplanade Recital Studio on Feb 10. Tickets is $16 each =). Contact me for tix!

finally, a swim in the last 6 months

As a water element girl -- based on my astrological horoscope: cancer, I basically love to swim. I can recall swimming since I was 2 or 3 years old. Back then my father would 'throw' me into the pool and let me do 'waterproof -- moving my limbs in order to stay floating', a great survival skills should I be within a deep water area.

I did quite a lot of swimming. And soon, swimming became natural to me. I used to join the swimming club in Malang which had 2 practices a week. It didn't last long, though.

The thing I hate most when going to swim is my medium-long hair. It is so ma fan to have long hair if you like swimming. --basically, I'm very lazy to have to wash hair every time I swim. Especially, back then I swam in a public place so the toilet is not that clean... Figures.. (SMU Gym shower is much much better -- best so far, haha).

Since I came to Singapore, I've always had an easy and accessible swimming pool - just below my condo. It is logical that if I like swimming then I should have make use of it. But during my 4-5 months stay in Singapore, I've never swum even once. Until today~.

Actually, even today, the laziness to swim also came back because then I only just finished having my late lunch. With a full stomach, exercising is really a big no no. However in the end I managed to beat my laziness and swam. Such a shame that the wind was quite disturbing just now; it made the water colder and not calm enough for an enjoyable swim.

I only lasted for around half an hour just now. The water was freaking cold, and the length of the pool is super long (I think it's the longest length I've even swum before -- half of it feels like what it usually is in Indo). But is it just me? Or is it a fact?

It could be that I was lacking in exercise -- which is why I felt going one length of the pool is really exhaustive.

Need to train more, need to swim more =). and make something out of my 2009 resolution ;)

New Year Resolution

Happy New Year to all readers (if any)

3 Resolutions for 2009

1.
Lose weight

2.
Work on my potential (be more likable, able to talk smoothly through presentations, improve writing skills, A [and A+] Grades)

3.
Be a less sensitive and emotional person (be more accepting)

An Emotional Time

I have been quite emo as of lately. The history is that one of the people I despised most (and I will stress that I don't despise people easily) came over to my house and ordered around as if he is King. Actually I haven't been angry for quite some time already. I remembered the last time I was angry was in grade 11. But yet I was not really angry that time. So you can say that I don't remember the last time I was really angry. I can't even recall I've been really really angry like this time. (if angry was the emotion I experienced at all).

Sorry, the writing is a bit crappy. I'm not really into typing things that need to be thought before. I just want to express my so called angry feeling.

Anyway, even after two weeks, if the topic was brought up, I still feel the same way as before - be it anger or not. Let me describe the emotion:
1. My head becomes really hot.
2. Afterward I got headache
3. My breathing becomes heavy
4. I cry
5. I feel destructive (want to throw and break things and hear the breaking sound).

But the weird thing is...
I'm not sure why I was so angry, what I was so angry about. It's just that I feel like being angry that time.

Sucks...
.....
...
..
.

Even now if the topic is brought up, I might end up feeling the same emotion, which I'm not sure about. Is it anger? Is it something else?

安靜了 - S.H.E

It's been quite some time since the last time I updated. Been busy with school and tomorrow (well today actually) I got finals >.<. less than 12 hours.... my Business Law paper is on 1 pm and now is 1:10 am haha.

Anyway, when I studied during the previous days, I tuned on [V] channel Taiwan and heard of this sweet sweet Chinese Song. It took me quite a while to figure out the title with my limited Chinese vocabulary but in the end I found it to be 安靜了（ａｎ　ｊｉｎｇ　ｌｅ）sang by S.H.E. Moreover, just now I figured out that Jay Chou composed it. Anyway the song is super nice though I could not really make sense of the translation I found in the net. Here's a youtube vid ;)



and here's the lyrics in hanzi, pinyin, and translation =)

安静了 - Silenced

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo zhan zai zhe li
I’m left standing here with the piano beside me

梦想中属于我们的婚礼
meng xiang zhong shu yu wo men de hun li
The wedding I’ve dreamt for us

却成了单人结婚进行曲
que cheng le dan ren jie hun jin xing qu
Has become a solo wedding march

在这场爱情较力的拔河里
zai zhe chang ai qing jiao li de ba he li
In this tug-of-war of love,

爱我还是爱你
ai wo hai shi ai ni
Will you love me or yourself?

你选择了自己 wo~
ni xuan ze le zi ji
You chose yourself

撒娇的可爱的
sa jiao de ke ai de
Childish… adorable…

粘人的爱哭的
nian ren de ai ku de
Clingy… crybaby…

照片里曾经的都是你喜欢的
zhao pian li ceng jing de dou shi ni xi huan de
[The person] in the photos is everything you once loved

如今我还在原地
ru jin wo hai zai yuan di
Now I remain at the starting point

你却走回你的记忆
ni que zou hui ni de ji yi
Yet you went back to your memories

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
ni shuo wo ai ni tai duo jiu kuai yao ba ni yan mo
You said I love you too much, you’re almost drowning

你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
ni hai pa xing fu duan zan yi miao jiu beng luo
You fear happiness is only for an instant, that it will fall apart in a second

分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
fen kai shi yi zhong jie tuo rang ni hao hao de xiang guo
Separation is a release; it will make you think

我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我
wo xiang yao de na pian tian kong ni shi bu shi neng gou gei wo
Whether you can give me the happiness I want

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
ni shuo wo gei ni tai duo que bu neng gei wo shen me
You said I give you too much, but you can’t give back

分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
fen bu qing ji qing cheng nuo yong heng huo mi huo
Can’t tell passion, commitment, eternity and infatuation apart

爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
ai qing shi yi dao shang kou wo men ge zi ku tong
Love is a wound, we bear the pain on our own

沉默是我最后温柔是因为我太爱你
chen mo shi wo zui hou wen rou shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
Silence is my last act of kindness… because I love you so

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo zhan zai zhe li
I’m left standing here with the piano beside me

梦想中属於我们的婚礼
meng xiang zhong shu yu wo men de hun li
The wedding I’ve dreamt for us

安静了在我枕边的梦里
an jing le zai wo zhen bian de meng li
Was silenced in the dreams of the person beside me

我知道相爱原本就不容易
wo zhi dao xiang ai yuan ben jiu bu rong yi
I know loving someone isn’t easy to begin with

爱不是一加一
ai bu shi yi jia yi
Love is not ‘one plus one’

努力就有结局 wo~
nu li jiu you jie ju
[Where] hard work guarantees a happy ending

撒娇的可爱的
sa jiao de ke ai de
Childish… adorable…

粘人的爱哭的
nian ren de ai ku de
Clingy… crybaby…

照片里曾经的都是爱着你的
zhao pian li ceng jing de dou shi ai zhe ni de
[The person] in the photo once loved you

脸颊的泪还温热
lian jia de lei hai wen re
The tears on my cheeks are still warm

却没有人握我的手
que mei you ren wo wo de shou
But no one is here to hold my hand

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
ni shuo wo ai ni tai duo jiu kuai yao ba ni yan mo
You said I love you too much, you’re almost drowning

你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
ni hai pa xing fu duan zan yi miao jiu beng luo
You fear happiness is only for an instant, that it will fall apart in a second

分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
fen kai shi yi zhong jie tuo rang ni hao hao de xiang guo
Separation is a release; it will make you think

我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我
wo xiang yao de na pian tian kong ni shi bu shi neng gou gei wo
Whether you can give me the happiness I want

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
ni shuo wo gei ni tai duo que bu neng gei wo shen me
You said I give you too much, but you can’t give back

分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
fen bu qing ji qing cheng nuo yong heng huo mi huo
Can’t tell passion, commitment, eternity and infatuation apart

爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
ai qing shi yi dao shang kou wo men ge zi ku tong
Love is a wound, we bear the pain on our own

沉默是我最后温柔是因为我太爱你
chen mo shi wo zui hou wen rou shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
Silence is my last act of kindness… because I love you so

- work of lene from http://www.jay-chou.net forum -

The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

source: bartleby.com

Just now I remembered of a poem I have not read for so long. A poem I considered the most beautiful English poem I have ever read. So I googled it and posted it up for you. This poem was recommended to me once by my sister but before that I've found this poem myself. Beautiful, don't you think? And the content is absolutely true.

Everything in life is about the choice we make. And I tried to reflect back my stay in this foreign land for the last four months. Probably I should start on the first time I decided to go to this university. I do not know exactly what pulled me to enroll here. I just knew I want to go and study here. Before I experienced the study life here, I thought this school will be different from the two most popular universities. From what I read and what I heard of, this uni is more practical than theoretical. I guess that is true. I assumed back then that there would be less studying than in any other universities. But my experience here proved my assumption to be incorrect.

People in my town said that my high school is very demanding so I thought that entering university would not be a problem to me. But here am I, struggling to survive. I do not know whether it is the transition period or what but one thing I know is that I have to work really hard to keep my marks up to standard.

This term I failed to do so. And it is a bit too late to get serious to studying properly. So I will absolve this in the next term. However, I still need to do my best for finals. Oh well, as life is a choice, here is another choice to make. Becoming outstanding or becoming mediocre. For me, my whole life has been quite outstanding so I do not think I should become mediocre just after facing this stressful university life.

Focus. Focus. Focus. Focus.

Sorry a bit trashy. Oh well, really stressed out with projects