An Emotional Time

I have been quite emo as of lately. The history is that one of the people I despised most (and I will stress that I don't despise people easily) came over to my house and ordered around as if he is King. Actually I haven't been angry for quite some time already. I remembered the last time I was angry was in grade 11. But yet I was not really angry that time. So you can say that I don't remember the last time I was really angry. I can't even recall I've been really really angry like this time. (if angry was the emotion I experienced at all).

Sorry, the writing is a bit crappy. I'm not really into typing things that need to be thought before. I just want to express my so called angry feeling.

Anyway, even after two weeks, if the topic was brought up, I still feel the same way as before - be it anger or not. Let me describe the emotion:
1. My head becomes really hot.
2. Afterward I got headache
3. My breathing becomes heavy
4. I cry
5. I feel destructive (want to throw and break things and hear the breaking sound).

But the weird thing is...
I'm not sure why I was so angry, what I was so angry about. It's just that I feel like being angry that time.

Sucks...
.....
...
..
.

Even now if the topic is brought up, I might end up feeling the same emotion, which I'm not sure about. Is it anger? Is it something else?

安靜了 - S.H.E

It's been quite some time since the last time I updated. Been busy with school and tomorrow (well today actually) I got finals >.<. less than 12 hours.... my Business Law paper is on 1 pm and now is 1:10 am haha.

Anyway, when I studied during the previous days, I tuned on [V] channel Taiwan and heard of this sweet sweet Chinese Song. It took me quite a while to figure out the title with my limited Chinese vocabulary but in the end I found it to be 安靜了（ａｎ　ｊｉｎｇ　ｌｅ）sang by S.H.E. Moreover, just now I figured out that Jay Chou composed it. Anyway the song is super nice though I could not really make sense of the translation I found in the net. Here's a youtube vid ;)



and here's the lyrics in hanzi, pinyin, and translation =)

安静了 - Silenced

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo zhan zai zhe li
I’m left standing here with the piano beside me

梦想中属于我们的婚礼
meng xiang zhong shu yu wo men de hun li
The wedding I’ve dreamt for us

却成了单人结婚进行曲
que cheng le dan ren jie hun jin xing qu
Has become a solo wedding march

在这场爱情较力的拔河里
zai zhe chang ai qing jiao li de ba he li
In this tug-of-war of love,

爱我还是爱你
ai wo hai shi ai ni
Will you love me or yourself?

你选择了自己 wo~
ni xuan ze le zi ji
You chose yourself

撒娇的可爱的
sa jiao de ke ai de
Childish… adorable…

粘人的爱哭的
nian ren de ai ku de
Clingy… crybaby…

照片里曾经的都是你喜欢的
zhao pian li ceng jing de dou shi ni xi huan de
[The person] in the photos is everything you once loved

如今我还在原地
ru jin wo hai zai yuan di
Now I remain at the starting point

你却走回你的记忆
ni que zou hui ni de ji yi
Yet you went back to your memories

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
ni shuo wo ai ni tai duo jiu kuai yao ba ni yan mo
You said I love you too much, you’re almost drowning

你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
ni hai pa xing fu duan zan yi miao jiu beng luo
You fear happiness is only for an instant, that it will fall apart in a second

分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
fen kai shi yi zhong jie tuo rang ni hao hao de xiang guo
Separation is a release; it will make you think

我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我
wo xiang yao de na pian tian kong ni shi bu shi neng gou gei wo
Whether you can give me the happiness I want

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
ni shuo wo gei ni tai duo que bu neng gei wo shen me
You said I give you too much, but you can’t give back

分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
fen bu qing ji qing cheng nuo yong heng huo mi huo
Can’t tell passion, commitment, eternity and infatuation apart

爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
ai qing shi yi dao shang kou wo men ge zi ku tong
Love is a wound, we bear the pain on our own

沉默是我最后温柔是因为我太爱你
chen mo shi wo zui hou wen rou shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
Silence is my last act of kindness… because I love you so

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo zhan zai zhe li
I’m left standing here with the piano beside me

梦想中属於我们的婚礼
meng xiang zhong shu yu wo men de hun li
The wedding I’ve dreamt for us

安静了在我枕边的梦里
an jing le zai wo zhen bian de meng li
Was silenced in the dreams of the person beside me

我知道相爱原本就不容易
wo zhi dao xiang ai yuan ben jiu bu rong yi
I know loving someone isn’t easy to begin with

爱不是一加一
ai bu shi yi jia yi
Love is not ‘one plus one’

努力就有结局 wo~
nu li jiu you jie ju
[Where] hard work guarantees a happy ending

撒娇的可爱的
sa jiao de ke ai de
Childish… adorable…

粘人的爱哭的
nian ren de ai ku de
Clingy… crybaby…

照片里曾经的都是爱着你的
zhao pian li ceng jing de dou shi ai zhe ni de
[The person] in the photo once loved you

脸颊的泪还温热
lian jia de lei hai wen re
The tears on my cheeks are still warm

却没有人握我的手
que mei you ren wo wo de shou
But no one is here to hold my hand

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
ni shuo wo ai ni tai duo jiu kuai yao ba ni yan mo
You said I love you too much, you’re almost drowning

你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
ni hai pa xing fu duan zan yi miao jiu beng luo
You fear happiness is only for an instant, that it will fall apart in a second

分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
fen kai shi yi zhong jie tuo rang ni hao hao de xiang guo
Separation is a release; it will make you think

我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我
wo xiang yao de na pian tian kong ni shi bu shi neng gou gei wo
Whether you can give me the happiness I want

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
ni shuo wo gei ni tai duo que bu neng gei wo shen me
You said I give you too much, but you can’t give back

分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
fen bu qing ji qing cheng nuo yong heng huo mi huo
Can’t tell passion, commitment, eternity and infatuation apart

爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
ai qing shi yi dao shang kou wo men ge zi ku tong
Love is a wound, we bear the pain on our own

沉默是我最后温柔是因为我太爱你
chen mo shi wo zui hou wen rou shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
Silence is my last act of kindness… because I love you so

- work of lene from http://www.jay-chou.net forum -

The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

source: bartleby.com

Just now I remembered of a poem I have not read for so long. A poem I considered the most beautiful English poem I have ever read. So I googled it and posted it up for you. This poem was recommended to me once by my sister but before that I've found this poem myself. Beautiful, don't you think? And the content is absolutely true.

Everything in life is about the choice we make. And I tried to reflect back my stay in this foreign land for the last four months. Probably I should start on the first time I decided to go to this university. I do not know exactly what pulled me to enroll here. I just knew I want to go and study here. Before I experienced the study life here, I thought this school will be different from the two most popular universities. From what I read and what I heard of, this uni is more practical than theoretical. I guess that is true. I assumed back then that there would be less studying than in any other universities. But my experience here proved my assumption to be incorrect.

People in my town said that my high school is very demanding so I thought that entering university would not be a problem to me. But here am I, struggling to survive. I do not know whether it is the transition period or what but one thing I know is that I have to work really hard to keep my marks up to standard.

This term I failed to do so. And it is a bit too late to get serious to studying properly. So I will absolve this in the next term. However, I still need to do my best for finals. Oh well, as life is a choice, here is another choice to make. Becoming outstanding or becoming mediocre. For me, my whole life has been quite outstanding so I do not think I should become mediocre just after facing this stressful university life.

Focus. Focus. Focus. Focus.

Sorry a bit trashy. Oh well, really stressed out with projects

Not feeling well

Hi :). At school now, @ACC (Arts & Cultural Center) waiting for practice to begin... We are rehearsing for tomorrow's DESA (Dance.Eat.Sing.Act).

Last night only slept for around 3 hours then had to go to school early to study LTB :(. Now I'm very sleepy and feeling very dizzy.

Short post;; no idea what to write...

Will update soon :)

Night Safari on October

So, after some devastating moments we went through, yesterday night we decided to go to the Night Safari.

The idea came out of nowhere but oh well, it's been quite fun because at least we did not only see animals of the night but also.....

Creatures of the Night

wow, that rings a bell... yeah, the Phantom of the Opera!

I love this musical show! I saw one live in Las Vegas last December :D

Anyway, back to the trip. The Night Safari has come out with this event starting on October to celebrate Halloween (and of course, to attract tourists - not that I mind)

We reached at 9:10. At first we want to go for a Halloween cocktail ride but it's fully booked. So in the end we only buy the entrance ticket and the tram ride. Before we went in... we bought B&J's (Ben & Jerry's) ice cream and took pictures in front of the B&J's logo. I'll post along the pictures later :). Unfortunately we don't have the chance to take pictures together (my sister said that's the hard part of traveling alone or with one another person: cannot take pictures of ourselves!).

After finishing the ice cream we boarded the Halloween Tram. It's much like the usual tram, going around the safari with someone explaining the animals. But this guide voice is so creepy like and there are occasional scares. The Halloween Tram also went through the Gate of Hell made for people abusing or hurting or hunting or killing or skinning or .. or .. or ... animals. This place is quite creepy. Some of the so-called 'actors' acting as scary scary ghosts actually scare us and some even boarded the train (Holy Sh*t!). It was not really scary but it was very heart-shockingly surprising.

After the tram ride we also walked around through the trails. One of the trails was the Halloween route. And again, got people scaring us. My sister was the one screaming though.. I did not scream but I was surprise and scared as well (I'm not a girl who screams when I'm scared). The walk was quite long and we were exhausted when we reached the entrance again. By the time we boarded the taxi to go home it was 12+ and we got 50% overcharge T___T.

Pictures:

burden pt.2

and i am still tearing
drops trickle unexpectedly
waves of guilt within me
will we walk away a stronger entity?

will the goodness (i thought it was good) slip away?
such a facade
or are we too blind to see?
i am strugling with this uncertainty

credit: a.s. (comment to the post 'taking it for the granted')

Those who you care for the most

Yesterday I have a little chat with my sister and we came to something she had read before: that sometimes people who you love the most will end up as people who you don't even bother to think about their feeling when you are with them.

I reflected it.

And its true.

We will dress up when we meet or friends
but we wont when we are going out with our own family

We will talk politely with a stranger even when we are in a bad mood
but we won't talk politely with our family when we are in a bad mood

I found this very true, I found this very disturbing.
Perhaps, someday I will be able to care adequately to the people I love the most.