and it happens again

Somehow I know that there is this great force out there that will force balance upon what's happening in your life.

Consider my previous post. And a few hours after I was feeling really down I was given a second chance. And I took it. Or at least I made the initiative to take it. News ain't out yet about the result but it's okay I guess. If I fail this time I won't be as sad, also :). Though it's a good thing if I get it ^^

These kind of turn-around events has happened to me almost everytime I had a heart-shattering experience -- not that I have many to recount though.

To do today: study finance, read MPW, and wash choir wrap.

...

I'm such a pampered kid. And I noticed it today. Good thing that I finally notice that...

I do not face many failures in my 19 year old life. I usually get what I wanted. And I think I should be grateful that the force out there has given me a peg down on my ego.

Oh, I faced failure before, but only for things that I do not really want. You see, my last year in high school, I applied for the 3 local unis in Singapore. But out of the three I only want to go to one of them. And I got in, whilst I didn't get accepted to the 2 others that I didn't really want to go. So it's no big deal even though I'm aware of these failures, cause I don't really want it in the first place.

Other failures will be about grades. First term in uni as well as first term in high school, my grades were not as high as my expectation. But my expectations are beyond average so I still can compare with others.

Oh, and I failed on a test before. once. but with a perfectly logical reason that the failure is acceptable for me and that it actually brings more good as I get to attend the so called remedial class at school. Remedial class has been terrifyingly useful, more useful than if I studied the subject myself.

Sounds like a perfect life? Now that I'm here and I reflect on my life back, I think it's really uneventful. It sounded too good to be true. I don't think my life is perfect. I think I'm delusional, living in a life of lies trying to be content with myself.

Now though, as I signed up for what I really want, and I didn't get through, the failure hits really hard. And I don't know what I do wrong. And I want to know, but am afraid to ask.

Simply put, I don't deal with many failures in my life. And I'm dealing with one right now. And I'm clueless how I should face it...

This is one of my fears when I start to notice how competitive it is here. I know that at some point I'll have to fail. And I do fail. And I need to learn to get used to it and turn the disappointment to something more useful.

Share your experience, anyone?

So I get a picture how to overcome this.

First day of June

It certainly doesn't feel like I haven't been updating the blog for two months. But in truth, yes it's been two months since I last wrote in this blog.

So what has been happening in these two months? Well firstly I have exams which fortunately I did quite well in. And after that is the results announcement. And I went back to Indonesia (twice -- the first one I went to Jakarta for weekend, went back to Singapore, and finally went back to Malang in the end of April.)

Stayed in Malang for around 10 days and went back to Singapore for choir practices. Other than that there isn't much thing happening nowadays.

Sometimes I blame myself for wasting such precious times. But still I can't get my lazy bum to bring me somewhere

I really have no idea what else to write for now. I'll probably write more later when I have an inspiration =)

Tipping Point

I've been quite worn out these few weeks due to a lot of presentations and projects. But finally after this week I only have 1 presentation left =). But final exams are looming in 3 weeks. I'm going to psycho myself to work for it, =P. *go for finals!*

Anyway, last week I went to Borders with my parents then bought two books. One of the books are the one that I've been wanting to buy: Gray's Anatomy -- a medical book, but it's put on bargain so I got it at only around $19 which is totally worth it (according to me). I only glanced a bit of it but because there are a lot of medical terms I'm not reading it for the time being. Maybe next time when I feel like it haha.

However, the other book is a business book, listed in the top 10 list for business book. It's called Tipping Point. I havent finished reading it but so far I think it is really a good book. And anyway it's not only for business, I really can apply it in other aspects of life. Actually what motivated me to buy this book is because the day before I had a demoralizing consultation with my prof regarding my D+ paper. *LOL*

Here is the story: I showed Prof my assignment and he read through it. And actually what destroys the whole message credibility is only the first two paragraphs (or maybe to pinpoint it further, the second paragraph). Whereas, everything else (3rd & 4th paragraphs) are actually doing very well. He told me how those two horrifying opening paragraphs destroy the credibility of the message. He also told me how a bit difference in the words used in those paragraphs can make a huge difference. Maybe D+ to A+? hahah.. maybe not A+ but B+ :p

So in the end I can't change the grade. But I learned the hard way how something very minor such as the choice of words can destroy the whole thing. This is an exact example of the famous Indonesian proverbs: "Karena nila setitik rusak susu sebelanga". ~ A tint of red ink will destroy the whole container of milk (literal translation)

When I went to Borders last week, I was walking through the business section and saw an interesting cover with a slanted matchstick imprinted on it. And I read the summary. And I found out how it is actually what has been happening to me in my D+ grade. Without further ado (also considering that it's NYT #1 bestseller), I bought it.

So far it has been an enjoyable read and I highly recommend this book for everybody else =D

*** Notes: it's really a coincidence how I found that book only one day after I had my consultation. But anyways, this kind of things happen to my life a lot. After having a great experience (be it good or bad but still memorable in some ways), I will find other things which I can relate my previous experience to.

=]

I'm very happy today :). Why? My parents came to visit ^^.
The bad thing is that I will be busy for the upcoming weeks =(, so I can't really keep them company most of the time...

Oh well, nothing much to say!

Writing: a result of practice

Do you believe that practice makes perfect?

There is this one argument that I made when I was really really lazy during Pelatnas 1 TOKI regarding this statement.

Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect. So, why bother?

That was my thoughts back then.

Well, actually it still kind of makes sense now. What is wrong there is the statement 'practice makes perfect'. Instead of this, it should say something like 'practice makes you more proficient'. You can't be perfect, but you can be proficient.

This is what I truly feel about writing. And frankly speaking, I think posting blog entries helps. From my self assessment, I think I've become more proficient in writing structured message =). But yeah, still lagging behind in Management Communication (obviously, the D+ mark)

Well, I guess I have to keep the practice to achieve more proficiency =]

n.b. DO NOT SEEK FOR PERFECTION! If the statement that 'nobody is perfect' is true, then you really shouldn't seek perfection in your life. Why? You'll end up disappointed because you can never be perfect.

AS midterm

Yesterday I took my AS midterm.
*pray to God that all will be well*

Sorry, no idea what else to post.

How come a lot of dailies posts lately?
Because there's not many interesting things that happened other than daily life (classes, projects, etc) - a sign that school is getting more hectic.

Oh, I miss the first half of the term.. It was still hectic, but not only for schoolwork. I managed to survived THREE productions (HONK!, Choir [twice], and GAYA). Sigh...

But I guess it's nice to be busy although it might be stressful sometimes. *can't imagine what I'm going to do when I'm not busy*

I have to start planning for my summer holiday. Do something useful.. Maybe, start up a small business? and treat it as another project =D. 8).

My Life is Extreme

I just finished crying my ass off =(
Got my FIRST D+ today after getting my FIRST A+ on Monday

You've seen the extreme.

I'm so very pissed.

Out of the Comfort Zone

I've been offered to be SL of altos.
Actually they've asked me like last week but I didn't feel the pressurre then
Today they told me that in front of most of the choir
And yes, I fell pressure

Am I ready for this?
Am I ready to take the responsibility?

It was very simple back then when I just come and sing
But if I were to be an SL, I can't just sing. I have to make sure that MY section sings well.
Am I ready for this responsibility?

I feel that this is still out of my comfort zone
But then, I'm bracing myself for this. For a step forward to improve myself.

Out of the comfort zone

Darwin vs God discussion

A few days ago was Darwin's Day and in my highschool alumni forum, there is this discussion concerning Darwin Theory, whether it's real and credible or it's a fake fairytale.

I observed the arguments. Those who argued for the credibility of Darwin Theory provided links of videos and researches journals. On the contrary, the one who believes that Darwin Theory is a fake doesn't want to state his views before the other side can argue for Darwin Theory by themselves instead of relying on those urls.

The end? No conclusion. Both sides (especially the one who believes that it is fake) is really stubborn.

My view? I believe it is true

How? I don't care. I'm not a scientist, so it's not my duty to prove it.

Then why belief? I don't know. Just because I do. Just because it makes more sense to me

Then I don't mind being compared to apes? Nope, I don't mind. What if my ancestors are apes? The fact now is that I'm not and it's all that matters.

Aren't you insulting God by saying that? Err... I don't really care about God. He can deal with His problems, I'm sure. I have faith in Him. Not necessarily I'm insulting him by the fact that my ancestors are apes.

Facts: I'm not a Christian or anything but I believe that God exists. Just that I think humans shouldn't bother Him. He can take care of Himself. Don't you think so..?

Resolution progress

I'm referring to my resolution for 2009 here.

I realized that... I might have improved in my writing skills, presentation skills and (probably) grades this term (my second resolution)

BUT, my first (which is to lose weight) and my third (not to be so emo and sensitive) are failing miserably =(

Oh well, at least now I know I have to work on it ^^

homesick

I miss mum
I miss dad
I miss my brother & sister
..............
.........
.....

I miss home

is this my way?

I've always liked taking personality test and I've been taking countless of them. There is this one application in Facebook called MyPersonality and I've taken the test a few months ago.

However, yesterday when I opened it again, I realized one new feature about the most suitable college major. My most suitable one (according to the test) is architecture, followed by anthropology and psychology. Meanwhile, right now I'm taking business.

Regarding those choices that the test has chosen for me:
1. Architecture - I wanted to be an architect once but that was like ages ago. Primary school, I think. And by that time, I didn't really understand what is architecture. Even now, I also didn't know what am I supposed to do in architecture. I like to observe buildings - yes - but I'm not into designing it. So.. this one is definitely not me

2. Anthropology - I also never studied this before as it is a subject for social stream in high school whilst I took science stream back then. I understand it is a study of human culture though -- something I'm immensely interested in. This term I have a course called Creative Thinking and during this course, I'm faced to various artworks etc. On my observation about these works, I always relate to culture and humanity (indication!!)
I wouldn't mind studying this =P

3. Psychology - This field of study is also something I have interest in, although not as much as in anthropology. I like taking personality quizzes, I like observing people and guess what's their true personality etc. But yet, I don't think I want to delve further in this subject.

And Business is not even recommended for me there. But anyway, even though I didn't make the right choice back then, I believe I can make it right for me. There's no way back and I have to keep looking forward.

NUS Choir Concert

title: Varsity Voices

I watched NUS choir concert today.. With empty stomach... which sends signals to my head and making me having a headache.

Actually the concert is quite good (better than ours I think), but I could not really enjoy it. The sound and harmony is nice, the arrangement is quite good also, and I really appreciate their performance but I can't enjoy it because all the songs they sang are very serious songs. Of which I can't really process. And having empty stomach & headache didn't help.

I went with Ernest and met with Kenny, Jiaqi & her friends, and also Jeth there. Was quite surprised because at first I though more choir members will come along. It appears that I'm wrong haha.

Kenny is being emo as to when we are going to be as good as NUS choir (and cross-finger, VJC choir)

NUS got the championship and full mark for choir 2008 grand prix in St. Petersburg; the same grand prix we're going to attend this June. I know we're not up to their standard yet.

Anyway, a good choir ability is necessary. But, for me, I will still enjoy coming to SMUCC although it's not as good as NUS. Why? not the situation, not the abilities, but for the sake of singing =).

Faith

I'm not a Christian, I'm not a Catholic, but this is one inspirational story that really touches me. It's a story of faith and family.

Feel free to visit the blog:
http://songernlim.wordpress.com

I'm impressed for the faith this family has on God and His blessing.

Be strong, Jonathan

p.s. Jonathan is my choir friend

Doubutsu Uranai

Evelyn
11/07/1990

You are Orange Sheep, who is quiet sort, and is a touchable person.
But you possess feminine attraction as well.
This may seem like flirting to fellow women, and may be misunderstood by men.
You are a sociable, but tend to keep a distance from people, and will not show your real emotions and feelings easily.
Although you are modest, you are a proud person as well.
You don't apologize or yield to things.
You have great tactics to make others take in your demand, without them realizing taht they are doing so.
You are extremely good at negotiating and bargaining.
You tend to feel isolated, and in order to overcome that loneliness, you have lots of interests.
You have sharp eyes, and can make your ideals come true by effectively adopting other people's expectations.
Although you lack leadership sort of action, you have perseverance to take up any challenge.
You can also use money efficiently, and therefore you are a shrewd shopper.
You are good at catching the heart of men.
You will be liked by different type of people.
But this may give them false idea, and cause misunderstanding.
Although you may take men lightly, once married, you will become a devoted wife and a mother.

n.b. then I also checked my family's animals & colors..

And then I go to wiki and I found this:

• Earth group: (self-centered, focused)
  • Tiger
    
  • Wolf (younger sis)
    
  • Monkey
  • Koala (mum, elder sis)
    
• Sun group: (self-centered, easily distracted)
  • Pegasus (dad, bro)
    
  • Elephant
  • Lion
  • Cheetah
• Full moon group: (mindful of others, focused)
  • Sheep (me)
    
  • Panther
• New moon group: (mindful of others, easily distracted)
  • Fawn
  • Tanuki (raccoon dog)

end note: interesting... anyway it sounds pretty much true :D

link to the test: http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/index.html

The Principle of Increasing Opportunity Cost

also called "The Long-Hanging-Fruit Principle".

I was studying Economics during Gamelan practice last night and I came across this principle. Here is what it says: "In expanding the production of any good, first employ those resources with the lowest opportunity cost, and only afterward turn to resources with higher opportunity costs"

Basically the principle was saying that you should choose the easiest sources to get your hands on before switching to more difficult ones.

The book gives one analogy about a new replacement CEO who is assigned in a non-effective company. According to this principle, the CEO should first tackle the problems that are easiest to solve first and then tackle on the harder ones after. I think this makes a lot of sense though instead of tackling such miniscule problems I would tackle those of high importance which is the root of every others. But then again, I've never been a CEO so I should learn from those successful CEOs xD.
[The book states easy problems with high consequences of bringing the company to be better though].

Anyway, my point of writing this relates to the post I made before. Regarding the apple tree thingy. Such a coincidence that after I made that post I found this principle when reading my econs book. This princible of 'low-hanging-fruit' sort of broke the logical relation in the previous one.

Suppose the guys as the apple-pickers
And the girls as the apples

If we apply this principle, then logically the guys will pick those low-hanging apples (easy girls).
And anyway, the principle said that the fruit-pickers will only reach the top if he is planning to collect all the fruits.
So in conclusion.. the guys that will reach the top is a.. womanizer?

Oh man, that sounds super wrong, hahahaha

However, that makes sense, don't you think? How many top women fell for such guys? Because these guys have the gut to go after them. =P.

Yet, mankind is not a fixed subjects. There are a lot of irregularities regarding our species. Not only in our species, in everything that exists in this world, there are always outliers. Things that are different from the rest. So, there should still be guys somewhere out there who have enough guts yet not womanizers.

I really think that I learned to observe many humanity issues through what I've learned from Economics. Interesting, eh?

Girls are like apples on trees

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Something random I found on the internet =)
Nice, huh?

Econs application

Do you know what makes an all-rounder a bad thing?

If you are not a good enough all-rounder (and sometime good enough is not enough), you will always be at comparative disadvantage

(to be updated later)

Losing myself

I'm losing
I'm drowning
I need reassurance
Not from a biased person
Not from someone who are used to me
But from someone honest
Someone objective enough
To tell me who I am
What I am good at
What I am supposed to be

Sorry, I'm being really emotional these few days
I need something that will help me prove my worth in this strange and foreign environment, completely different with my really comfortable zone back then

anyone?

Self Discovery

I can't believe that I actually learn something during CT class today.

Here's an excerpt of what I typed in my OneNote earlier

--> Creativity is…
· Making connections/associations. ~Steve Jobs.
· Act of turning new & imaginative ideas into reality
· Requires passion and commitment
○ The more time you spend time with your interest, more the results

The third point brought me into a deep thought. What is my passion?
Looks like an easy question, huh?

But now I cannot answer it. I don't really know myself now.
A few years back.. I might know it, but I'm also not so sure.

I really really need to start again my journey to a self-discovery. >.<

Motivation

I just found one usefulness of writing a blog. It gives you motivation when you reread it. These past few days I have been feeling slack, but after reading my old posts and comments from my friends and sister, my motivation came back.

Choir practices have been hectic and I got a throat inflammation yesterday. It is still painful even now :(. But I was losing the enjoyment in going to the choir. Why? One reason I can think of is that we practiced too often already. And I'm starting to get bored of it. Also, yesterday's practice was quite the critique to Alto. I really need to learn to accept being criticized. =S.

Sigh...

But anyway, I read my old posts and I realize that life is not easy. It is not easy at all. So I guess I just need to cope with it and try to perfect my imperfect aspects.

Life sucks? Yes, but it's still enjoyable

Back again with the girl who is in a high writing mood right now.

Referring to my previous post Singing: such a harmony of which mentioned that life generally sucks, I would like to put in a few comments regarding this.

There's a saying that is unequivocally true: The grass in the other side is always greener. This is the indisputable truth that cause us to suffer. As what Buddha said, 'life is a suffering'. We suffer because we were constantly in envy with other people.

You may think you don't envy others when your life is so perfect. But I've known better. I consider my life to be more fortunate compared to some others, but I still find myself desiring something those who are less fortunate than me own. Let me give a graphic example of this. I really really think that I lived a smooth and sailing life during my childhood and puberty compared to my sister who had a lot of problems (silly & serious ones). Though I'm blessed with not much problems, I know that I envy my sister for those problems. I really think that getting problems is where I can get the experience so that I would be more experienced and wise in the future.

Weird, right? Envying someone for their problems when you have none at all.

Envy, such a strong feeling. Envy does not mean ungrateful. You can envy someone even when you're grateful. Like me, I'm actually grateful that I don't have to go through all the problems, but I also envy those who had problems.

Urm... Now I confuse myself.....

Anyway, life sucks when you know you can't get what you want and envy others for their getting it. But life is still enjoyable in its own way, in your own way. Life still can be enjoyed when you put what you have in yourself into work and be grateful for it.

Singing: such a harmony

Ever since I was in kindergarten, I've started singing in a choir. Back then, I have two commitments (though I did not use such complicated word back then), singing and dancing. I remembered that I had to choose one from the two to attend a competition in Surabaya (yes, kindergarten competition -- I even remember my friend sleeping in our way back in the car with her mouth open, haha). And back then, I chose dancing. That was not because I didn't like choir. It's just that I enjoyed dance more.

Until primary school, I still continued dancing (til around pri 3 I think). That was the time where my chubbiness turned from a cutey chubby to freaking fatso. And I lost my confidence to still be in a dance (duh, that was not the true reason though. I feet always hurt after ballet lesson -- dunno what went wrong). So I stopped dancing since then.

My interest was still there though. I would love to join dance in junior high or senior high, but the available dance was not the type of dance I'd like to join. So in senior high I joined choir back. =).
My choir career did not last though, because I have whole lots of other activities then. I would attend the practices but during performance day I often could not make it because I got something else more important on (it's rather sad actually).

At university, my old passion for dance came back because I found a dance group where I'd enjoy learning the dance (contemp - classic). Sadly, (yes! very very very sad!), I did not get to join because I flunked my audition. And here, a weighty girl amongst slender & thing girls (duh, life sucks a bit more if you're fat - note that I'm saying life generally sucks). And after that, I found the choir again~ which I really really enjoy.

One interesting thing about me is that I don't really follow music, I don't really like listening to the music, but I love singing.

And singing contributes much of my last week schedule: singing practices everyday all week long (be it choir or honk or the kissing group). It helps though; now it feels easier to reach high pitches xD.

I love my choir, I love singing, I love the harmony, I love the people.

We will be performing our annual concert: "Wrinkles in the air to.." next month. You're invited to watch our performance at Esplanade Recital Studio on Feb 10. Tickets is $16 each =). Contact me for tix!

finally, a swim in the last 6 months

As a water element girl -- based on my astrological horoscope: cancer, I basically love to swim. I can recall swimming since I was 2 or 3 years old. Back then my father would 'throw' me into the pool and let me do 'waterproof -- moving my limbs in order to stay floating', a great survival skills should I be within a deep water area.

I did quite a lot of swimming. And soon, swimming became natural to me. I used to join the swimming club in Malang which had 2 practices a week. It didn't last long, though.

The thing I hate most when going to swim is my medium-long hair. It is so ma fan to have long hair if you like swimming. --basically, I'm very lazy to have to wash hair every time I swim. Especially, back then I swam in a public place so the toilet is not that clean... Figures.. (SMU Gym shower is much much better -- best so far, haha).

Since I came to Singapore, I've always had an easy and accessible swimming pool - just below my condo. It is logical that if I like swimming then I should have make use of it. But during my 4-5 months stay in Singapore, I've never swum even once. Until today~.

Actually, even today, the laziness to swim also came back because then I only just finished having my late lunch. With a full stomach, exercising is really a big no no. However in the end I managed to beat my laziness and swam. Such a shame that the wind was quite disturbing just now; it made the water colder and not calm enough for an enjoyable swim.

I only lasted for around half an hour just now. The water was freaking cold, and the length of the pool is super long (I think it's the longest length I've even swum before -- half of it feels like what it usually is in Indo). But is it just me? Or is it a fact?

It could be that I was lacking in exercise -- which is why I felt going one length of the pool is really exhaustive.

Need to train more, need to swim more =). and make something out of my 2009 resolution ;)

New Year Resolution

Happy New Year to all readers (if any)

3 Resolutions for 2009

1.
Lose weight

2.
Work on my potential (be more likable, able to talk smoothly through presentations, improve writing skills, A [and A+] Grades)

3.
Be a less sensitive and emotional person (be more accepting)